Committing to Being Married

If adjusting to first being married is so difficult, why would people decide to get married in the first place? Finances, making decisions, setting boundaries, finding routines, and the newness of being married are all big adjustments that are very difficult for newlywed couples. Cohabitating before getting married is becoming much more common than it ever has before. People are able to experience the same pleasures of being married without the expenses, the same level of commitment, the risk of divorce, and many other factors that would come with marriage commitments. What research has shown, however, is that there are many positive benefits that come from being married that one could not experience from cohabitating before being married. For example, couples that get married before cohabitating are more likely to make healthier decisions, compromise, set boundaries that strengthens the couple’s relationship, and have a better and more fulfilled sex life. Setting a marital commitment makes the couple more likely to stay together and have a positive and healthy marriage than couples who “slide” into marriage. Even while dating, the courtship should be focused on getting to know one another, going on dates (as opposed to just ‘hanging out’), and setting marital goals. If you aren’t getting to know one another and going on actual dates during courtship, what makes you think that will happen in your marriage? The way you go into your marriage usually foreshadows the turnout of your marriage.

So why get married in the first place? The chances of breaking off the relationship is much greater when cohabitating before marriage than it is if you get married first. Not only is that hard on both the man and the woman in the relationship, but it affects the children. Children are much more likely to grow up healthy and make better choices when the couple committed to being married. Psychologically, it is healthier on the children to have a husband and a wife in the home. The relationships isn’t guaranteed to be healthy when people are married, but it does increase the chances of a better relationship with the spouse and the children.

Of course, our “happily ever after” doesn’t just happen. We must work to make our marriage thrive. What are some ways we can help to improve a marriage relationship? First of all, good communication between the husband and wife is crucial in the marriage. Newlyweds have many adjustments and decisions to make together. This is a tough one! Personally, I struggle with communication because I am a big people pleaser and don’t want to offend or upset the person that I care about. However, more problems come to a marriage when there is a lack of communication. This isn’t to say that “it’s my way or the highway”, but it is important that your spouse understands your point of view and that you work things out together.

Another other big part of helping the relationship to go right is involving your spouse as much as you can. For example, when a female gets pregnant and has a baby, there is a tendency for the female to naturally get attached to her baby… which is a good thing! The female, after having the baby, is more likely to think that she and her husband agree on decisions more often since having the child. The husband, on the other hand, is more likely to think that they are agreeing less than they did before they had the baby, especially if they aren’t raising the child together as much as possible. An example of this could be when the wife puts her spouse’s hand on her tummy when she feels the baby kick. As insignificant as this might seem, it shows the husband they are together in the relationship. Or, when the wife is delivering the baby, having the husband in the room and having that intimate moment together in the hospital room is another great example. 

Whatever the applications are, the important thing to remember is that it takes work to build and strengthen a relationship. When you participate in activities together, go out on dates, commit to being married, and spend time together, you are more likely to have a strong and healthy relationship with your spouse.